can't just have it all..

it's good that i don't curse as much as before. for some reason, after the holy week, my mouth just had stop spilling profanity at its best. my friends say it must be because the term just ended. it actually just ended today. three months of no decent sleep is no joke. i've completely shown a different side of me because of it. i became very impatient, got easily irritated and cried until my eyes feel like popping out. school stress, seriously. sometimes in training, i'm obviously not concentrated and i end up making mistakes. seniors ask me what's wrong and i just say majors and they get me. after all, this is what university is all about . so why don't you get the most out of it. why be mediocre, right?

the bad thing that i'm currently observing is i've been "bad" to some people. i wasn't like that before. i would just let them be even if they try meddling with my own affairs. *sigh* i want this new part of me erased, and i'll do everything to control this. cause really, i feel this isn't me. i can't be bad to people. the thought of it just makes me sad.

and one thing? i hate my throat right now. it's the electric fan that i always put up, but for some reason i find it directly at me when i wake up. it dries my throat, and i easily got exhausted kanina 'cause of that. and just when i'm supposed to help flashie with his paper, i fell asleep. damn. we talked about how he was going to write it, but i was supposed to edit it, but then i fell asleep. what the? that's so sad. :( i feel like i failed him in some way, and i hate that. i just know that if i can help people close to me, i would. definitely. i would go the extra mile for them seriously.

tomorrow at 6am, flashie's going to pick me up. (hopefully, if he doesn't forget. haha) i'm going to watch him and the other tracksters at the international meet in brent. wish them luck!! :D he wants to beat his old time for 100m which is 11.3.. he feels pressured to break it. i believe in him. :) he's been pretty down these couple of days because he says he's been underachieving in training. i told him, "after finals, you're gonna kick some ass." i know he will be able to step up. :) SO PROUD OF YOU CO CAPTAIN! don't get stressed. don't think about it too much. YOU CAN DO IT! FIGHTING!