hot head

i wonder why.. she's literally fuming over me.. everything that's related to me she criticizes and gets easily annoyed with. it's rather frustrating since i come home really tired from training. stress it is. argh. and she doesn't understand that i need a break at least a day off from the 5-day nonstop training. i've reached the point when i got burnt out already. from everything. it took away all my energy, my aura and i was scared that it would suck the life off me. i'm old already. well compared to the careless kid that i was before who just enjoyed having fun and playing with other kids LIKE ANY NORMAL KID, i've grown up now. i am older now. can someone please reiterate that again for me? cause you're doing me a lot of favor if you do that. haha i'm just so annoyed today. i haven't updated this for quite some time because i got so easily tired of all the things i hear at home. it's stressful. and haven't i mentioned frustrating? wow. i pray for better days.

nuhaegae..

stupid me! haha i didn't greet him on our 9th month right when i set my eyes on him. that was a first! oh well, i was hurrying since i didn't want them to be late for the competition. i cheered, took pictures and got burnt. haha

this was taken on july 14,2006 around 6 pm. lawrence's birthday and a few hours after that, (if you call that few) ayun na, we're a couple na. :) i'm posting this now that he's actually mad at me since i've been acting differently daw today, and i didn't tell him why i'm acting this way.

this is my way of telling him how i'm feeling right now. ^_____^

glenn, :) we've been really really great friends from the start and i consider you one of the closest besides that you own my heart right now. especially now. at this very moment. :) a lot of people's thoughts have tried corrupting my mind. it gets frustrating. hehe you know me. sadly, i know i scare you 'cause before i'm a future thinker. yep, before, i was. hehe hmmm was a little bit sad when i found out your reaction for my past wallpaper. that little thing got stuck in my mind even though it was months ago. haha i'm an idealist. and i honestly hate listening to people saying "ayoko magsalita ng tapos" and "Don't say forever." it destroys everything i've believed in, and hoped for. but with you, i realized that every person has really their own piece of mind. i know you think that way, and i don't want to scare you any further that's why i changed the wallpaper. haha:)

but writing this entry, made me realize that i can never be brainwashed. this is my way of loving. this is my way of loving you. i can't force myself to think like other people realistically as they would say. cause all i know is right now. at this very moment. I AM IN LOVE. I'M LOVING. NAGMAMAHAL AKO and it's VERY REAL TO ME. i've learned so many things from you flashie, and i've learned to control myself and think about what you think. hehe i respect that. i've accepted that a long time ago. and like what i told you before, :) i only want you happy. :) it's not cliche. i don't believe in that shit that it's cliche cause kaye knows how i exactly feel for you a long time ago but i didn't tell you. i could hold back my feelings just to see you happy. if we weren't together, i'd still be happy with you smiling for another woman. at least i get to still see you smile right?

BUT-

i don't know how God made it all possible, but i thank Him. cause here we are, we're together and happy. i just couldn't tell you through yahoo messenger or plain text message. it wouldn't give justice to what i'm feeling right now. i'm glad i met you. i'm glad our paths cross and even though you don't believe in fate, destiny, future and forever (the things i fervently believe in) those fairy tale endings, i'm happy i am with you. no one can put into words how i am feeling right now. maybe our opposite thoughts are just the reason why we're bound together now. you say the present, the here, the now is important. i so definitely agree with that only bearing two things in my mind- to make you happy and the other one is i'm still thinking of how to say it. haha :)


I LOVE YOU FLASHIE. :) EVERY SECOND IS WORTH HAVING YOU. AND I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE I WANT TO BE RIGHT NOW- BESIDE YOU GIVING A RIB CRUSHING HUG. :)

can't just have it all..

it's good that i don't curse as much as before. for some reason, after the holy week, my mouth just had stop spilling profanity at its best. my friends say it must be because the term just ended. it actually just ended today. three months of no decent sleep is no joke. i've completely shown a different side of me because of it. i became very impatient, got easily irritated and cried until my eyes feel like popping out. school stress, seriously. sometimes in training, i'm obviously not concentrated and i end up making mistakes. seniors ask me what's wrong and i just say majors and they get me. after all, this is what university is all about . so why don't you get the most out of it. why be mediocre, right?

the bad thing that i'm currently observing is i've been "bad" to some people. i wasn't like that before. i would just let them be even if they try meddling with my own affairs. *sigh* i want this new part of me erased, and i'll do everything to control this. cause really, i feel this isn't me. i can't be bad to people. the thought of it just makes me sad.

and one thing? i hate my throat right now. it's the electric fan that i always put up, but for some reason i find it directly at me when i wake up. it dries my throat, and i easily got exhausted kanina 'cause of that. and just when i'm supposed to help flashie with his paper, i fell asleep. damn. we talked about how he was going to write it, but i was supposed to edit it, but then i fell asleep. what the? that's so sad. :( i feel like i failed him in some way, and i hate that. i just know that if i can help people close to me, i would. definitely. i would go the extra mile for them seriously.

tomorrow at 6am, flashie's going to pick me up. (hopefully, if he doesn't forget. haha) i'm going to watch him and the other tracksters at the international meet in brent. wish them luck!! :D he wants to beat his old time for 100m which is 11.3.. he feels pressured to break it. i believe in him. :) he's been pretty down these couple of days because he says he's been underachieving in training. i told him, "after finals, you're gonna kick some ass." i know he will be able to step up. :) SO PROUD OF YOU CO CAPTAIN! don't get stressed. don't think about it too much. YOU CAN DO IT! FIGHTING!

got this from kaye.. :D

"you know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."

--- just perfect for those hopeless romantics out there.. :) idealists.. and the people who just love to love.. :) people who love. like me. :)

300, the karma and misadventure

i had a very "normal" day to start with. woke up (well, i didn't have a decent sleep AGAIN cause my brother was snoring the whole time) at 6am since my parents offered to bring me to school. sooo i arrived at the sports complex to meet my flashie. hehe:) very happy to see him, and the elation it gave me could not be explained. :) haven't seen him for almost a week, so there. :) jogged for a few minutes and was forced to lift weights. haha after that, i kept on talking about the men of 300 (yes, i suck big time since i haven't seen it yet) cause they look really different than the roles they portrayed. lucky me, flashie brought his laptop and we decided to watch 300 with his other teammates. hooray! :)

i was quite familiar with the lines from the movie since a lot of people talk about it. i find the "Awhoo!" very amusing since i didn't expect spartans to still be imitating animal sounds, but nevertheless, it was a great movie for me. the shot where young leonidas was framed by the earthen walls was fantastic, and i can vividly recall the shot where the shadow of the wolf was illuminating on the wall with young leonidas aiming at the wolf. the dance of the oracle was very ghastly. it brought a very eerie yet seductive feeling. it was fantastic i must say. :) for a short film like 300, it was able to capture so many visual images and be perfectly delivered on screen.

at exactly 10am, the movie ended and i got a message from the editor which means i had to leave. yeah, and so i thought i had only spent 2 hours with flashie, but he was still in school by noon and he went to where i was. :) yey! so more time to spend togetherrr.. :D (i sound like a kid. darn it.)

this is where the karma begins. hehe we chanced upon some of our friends and his classmates at a pizza parlor. we realized that we saw one not even looking at us. finally the evil in me showed up, "guilty?" with a big smile or i must say, a smirk on my face appeared. it's a long story to tell, but a friend just did something unexpectedly and so i got really disappointed. i was half jokingly saying that we should eat there, but then, now as i am writing this entry, i thank flashie for controlling me. seriously.

we, i mean, i ate at z2, and after a while, we decided to go to the sports complex to meet glenn's future teammate, raymond. when i was about to scan my id, poof, where was my id again? and where was my wallet again? wow. it was just then that i realized that i left it at z2. talk about karma! cha, my dearest boinker helped me since i couldn't go inside school. glenn was convincing me to go home already after some time, but i just couldn't. not without my wallet. thank God. cha sent me a message saying that it was at the lost and found section. i got there and found my wallet. :) yey. :) thank you yvette dionisio for leaving it with the lost and found. :)

where was the karma part? i've never been evil to anyone. hehe it was the first time i decided to get back at someone subtly for disappointing me, and i forget one of the most important things in my bag. it was a wake-up call saying, "this isn't you. you're not supposed to act this way." i guess it was just God's way of saying that if others hurt you, you don't have to reciprocate the pain they have caused you. i've realized that i can't just be bad to people, seriously. i get a really heavy heart whenever i feel like i've hurt anyone. it just isn't ME to hurt anyone. haay. :)

on my way home, one way or the other, i knew that it was bound to happen. like before, the first time i commuted was a disaster. i didn't know where i was anymore and i had to walk all the way back to robinson's place manila because that was the only place i was familiar with. now, thank goodness i just walked along edsa which was quite long since i rode the wrong jeepney. haha:) walked a bit more and found the right jeepney, and there i just got home. :)

waiting for an hour to pass by so i can have a nice relaxing hot bath. :)

living it up

just a few more days, and it's "break" already.. i've got lots of paper due this week, and my autobiography video's due on the 13th. i'm not one to complain. i think just mere fact that i won't be having any school work for at least 3 weeks, is already break for me. :) break for some people would be the beach. i know, i kinda envy them, and i still wish i could soak myself and get darker yet AGAIN until i'm unrecognizable. haha i love my break seriously. i get to face my ultimate nemesis. the alterego. VOLLEYBALL. this is my time to step up since we'll be having a league come may. (well that's if i get lined up)

being an athlete is not a bed of roses. a totally cliche term for a perfectly realistic state of being. that's why i despise people who think athletes are jocks, and don't have anything between the ears. get my drift? it's not easy to think of plays and other things to dupe your opponents. it takes a large amount of WIT and INTELLIGENCE to do that. i'm glad i'm able to express this thought right now because i really want other people to respect athletes. consider this. an athlete wakes up early in the morning EVERYDAY to train and then go to class until late in the afternoon or evening. some teams have their trainings in the evening, so their classes are scheduled in the morning until afternoon. after a day's worth of physical and mental exhaustion. an athlete never gives up and looks forward to the next day's challenge. now would you call that dumb? i don't think so.

there are a handful that sadly, do not care about their academics but that's not the whole athletic community's problem since they have their own CHOICE. if they realize that they've taken the wrong path, we will all gladly take them back. that's how it is. we help each other. :)

bottomline is, i CHOSE to be a student athlete. no one can decide for me, and no one has the right to judge me when it comes to these things. nobody can claim that we're just wasting our time, and that we're not thinking about our future. let's just say, i'll smack that person with a TIME, STRESS AND PROIRITIES MANAGEMENT 101 if he happens to be a smart aleck. i've never been deprived of breaks even if i have crazy days to battle. i think it's a matter of discipline and knowing what you really want to do that matters. PASSION is definitely everything. zeal with each breath? i wonder if anything could stop you. :)

this is for all the athletes who have been unfairly judged by people who don't break their bones, scar their knees, bruise their arms and legs, lose a tooth, sprain their ankles and feel at a loss at the discovery of their achilles' heel. :)